"Take two Alcohestrin ER and call me in the morning of whatever day you wake up.” - Dr. Reinhold Champagne
As world-class taste makers, we have to be ready to make tastes at a moment’s notice. We receive short notice drink orders from all over the world, for events as disparate as Bar Mitzvahs and Funerals or Sweet 16 parties and Quinceaneras, and it is our responsibility to make sure these parties are lived to their fullest. People depend on us and we can’t let life’s little aches, pains, and stresses get in our way. That’s why Influence Labs: Pharmacology Division created Alcohestrin ER.
Alcohestrin ER is a doctor-acknowledged, FDA investigated, 100% “safe” and “effective” over-the-bar drug developed specifically for smoothing out life’s petty annoyances. The combination of Master Cleanse, Alka-Seltzer, OJ and whiskey treats damn near any ailment and allows us to do what we do best: coming up with the drinks that make everyone’s lives richer and more meaningful. Alcohestrin ER is right for us, so it must be right for you.
Alcohestrin ER isn’t right for everyone. Tell your bartender if you’re allergic to wild flowers, are pregnant or are taking any other drinks, especially those that may increase risk of bleeding. While taking Alcohestrin ER and driving, blood tests may need to be administered. In some, hugging or fighting may increase while taking Alcohestrin ER. Possible side effects include: world spinning, flu-like symptoms, change in sense of taste, unexplained chafing, communist sympathies, irrational gambling, dislocated fingernails, hyper-extended kidneys, torn tongue muscles, thousand yard stares, diminished moxie, slurred posture, hammered toe, restless bladder syndrome, brain farting, knuckle baldness, failed marriage, excessive blinking, unidentifiable discharges, preference for Internet Explorer, cat fatigue, too much dancing, not enough dancing, rectal spasms, ocular juxtaposition, magenta, blogging, phalanges repositioning, supply side monetary policy, watching TBS, decreased likelihood of winning the lottery and time loss.
Party Tip: If taking two doesn’t work, double the dose.
Matt: “Let’s drink to the 19 scientists that died bringing us this beverage.”
Brian: “What happens when we throw science at a problem? We get RESULTS, period.”